A Drifter Among Us

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"

- Dr. Seuss

I've been struggling with my identity lately. It's not that I'm uncomfortable with who I am, I just don't know how to live it passionately. There are many things I hold to be true that I don't necessarily live out, while the things I doubt and hold disbelief in are what I'm constantly engaged and entangled with. I'm a walking web of contradictions. I believe, but I doubt. I'm inspired, but I'm unaroused.

There's a Korean student that has been coming to my community group for the past 6 months that is looking into Christianity. I've learned a lot from him about his culture and his beliefs. He said something the other night when asked what he hopes to get out of the bible when he reads it. In his broken English he said that he hopes that he is able to do 1% of what he believes, because what he believes and what he does are so different.

This is coming from a Buddhist, who reads the bible probably more than I do. When I looked down at the bible that we had given him, he had post it notes and writings all over the pages. I can assure you, my bible doesn't look like that...but it should. I read, but I don't draw conclusions.

Reading through Romans 7, I found that Paul had the same thing happening in his life.

"For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate."

Is it that we're all conflicted? Are we all weaving webs that entangle us? I've become a person that needs comfort, acceptance, and power. To most people these are good things, and they are, but desiring something too much can be suffocating. And this is where I'm at: My life is full of idols, and I can barely breath. My mind believes one things. My body another.

"So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin."

I'm writing this because there has been something laid on my heart more recently that I think I need to address. Last fall my community group discussed what some of our core values would be (worship,beauty,honesty,mission), and while we've done a few things that have served the church, we can do more to be on mission. With that being said, I'd really like to get my group serving together in some fashion.

I read over this recently and it was helpful as a reminder to me. Here's an excerpt of what we as a local church believe:

"Mission is intrinsically connected to community. In the gospel of John, it is said that the unity of the church is vital if the world at large is to believe and experience the Christ sent from God the Father . Further, he said that we, the church, would be identified as followers of Christ only when we are sacrificially loving one another, which is another way of true Biblical community . It seems that the gospel of John points us to a reality that is both awesome and frightening: The believability of the gospel which the church proclaims is directly linked to the “realness” of its community. Could it be that many times, the gospel cannot be fully comprehended outside of this kind of real community?

Living the gospel, ie – being on mission, can take many forms: explaining the gospel to a friend or stranger, carrying out acts of compassion, or by being faithful to sacrificially love those in your church. The challenge is for all of us to stay in “mission-mode” and not to default to “maintenance-mode.” When it comes to being missional, it is easy for Christians and local churches to be content in our bible studies, worship services and small groups and to forget the world. We do not drift toward mission, we drift away from it. It is not easy to be missional, it is hard work, it takes intentionality. It is much less stressful to hang out with people who look the same, smell the same and believe the same things we do. It is uncomfortable and challenging to intentionally spend time with people who hold differing world-views. But we must push through this discomfort because we are the church. We are the church, the called-out ones. We are the church, the sent-out ones. We are the church, on mission for the sake of the world."

So here's the deal, I've been throwing around a few ideas of what we could do. I want to avoid the type of things that seem like a "quick fix" of serving our city without making a difference for more than just a few hours. I want to do something that makes a lasting impact on someone and will be a blessing to them for years. Whatever it is, I'd like to see myself and my friends become missional by getting uncomfortable and messy with the world outside our community group.

I've took the step of applying to be a Captain for a volunteer team with communityloopstl.com . It's a website put together by Mission St. Louis to identify needs in the community and gather people who have the resources to meet them. There are tons of opportunities to serve in different ways; Yard work, Home repair, Painting, Plumbing, Electrical, Small Fix-Ups, Cleaning, Moving, etc.

Anyways, I need to start thinking AND praying of what we can do, as a group, to love our city more. If you're reading this take a little time to look through the site and see if there's anything that you think we are capable of doing OR if there is a person in life that we can bless and minister to by our service.

Love you guys and am excited to see how we can follow Jesus,

-JR

You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.-Psalm 16:11

I asked someone earlier today if they considered themself a positive person. I guess that's also asking if they are joyful. When the question got turned around to me I had to give pause to my answer. I wouldn't consider myself negative or joyless, but the times of joyfulness and positivity don't last forever.

I need to constantly remind myself of God's presence in all aspects of my life and find the joy in that. Our joy should be an unforced rhythm as a response to His grace.

A few months back I did something spur of the moment. I bought 3 plane tickets to Chicago to celebrate my birthday weekend. 25 is weird age to me. I'm still stuck between dealing with life after college and life before I'm ready to settle down. I wanted a celebration that made me feel closer to the former than the latter.

The trip was a success. A lot of laughs, randomness, and good stories were created. It was a perfect way to enter the next quarter of my life.



Random thoughts from the trip: "Where we're going we don't need roads." Real World Fail. Jersey Shore. C-Titty, J Woww, Creepaz, The predicament. Bob Stoops. Red Paint. Bonified Bachelor. Buffalo. 11 second keg stand. Princess hat. Art Institute. Trains. Giordano's. Friend's making decisions. Jameson. Bosnian girls. Billy running. birthday shots at midnight. Mexican food. More red paint. Piano. Lady Gaga. Team Fun Car. Shots of coffee creamer, gravy, maple syrup. Suits. Pub crawl. Darts. Juke Box. Dancing with the waitress. Votive cups, plates, and menu holder. 100 curls. Kreeger's arm around me. Nearly missing the flight home.

And those who know your name put their trust in you,
for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you. -Psalm 9:10

Came across this verse tonight and wanted to make a special note of it. It's easy for me to get discouraged when I don't feel God. When I feel distant from him and isolated I have a habit of doing religious activities in the hopes of getting his attention. This verse should serve as a reminder that God has and will never forsake those of us that know him, let alone those who seek after him. Rest easy, those who needed to hear that.
-jr

So starting Jan. 1st I have been reading through the bible with people from church. The goal is to the read the bible in a year. Ambitious, yes. Realistic....we'll see.
Anyways, tonight I was doing my reading for the day (Genesis 6 , Psalm 6 , Matthew 6 ) and I came across something that really spoke to me and something that made my mind wander.

Three verses in Matthew jumped off the page at me. It's something that I have felt God tugging at a lot more recently. It was in Matthew 6:19-24

“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, 20 but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

22 “The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light, 23 but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!

24 “No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.



Now when I would read that verse when I was younger I always associated treasure with physical objects I value. Now while it appears that Jesus is referring to a tangible treasures, I think he had in mind more than just that. Jesus is going after something that penetrates all of us; it's the treasure we allow to occupy our time, our actions, our admiration, our hearts.

When I get honest, I admit that I have a chest full of things I treasure, value, and take comfort in. I like to drink, and at times it can go too far. I value the luxuries that my job has afforded me. I would be content filling my days with my favorite television shows, movies, music, and sitting behind my computer. I take comfort in way too many other things to list out.

So what does it look like to chase after godly things? It's turns out that today's reading kind of answers this question. Looking at the verses in Genesis, we see it. Consider Noah. We are told that Noah "walked with God." Would he have been balanced if, after learning of God’s purpose to destroy the world by a flood, he had spent his time building a bigger and better home and obtaining more material possessions? What good would it have done him if he had gone on with his normal life and avoided the ridicule of the people around him? For Noah, living a balanced, simple life involved devoting full attention to God's instructions and viewing matters with a heart grateful for being chosen by God to be spared.

I'll end this with some quotations from a John Piper sermon.

"Lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven" is a specific instance of what seeking God’s kingdom involves. Seeking the kingdom of God and his righteousness involves not trying to be rich on earth but trying to be rich in heaven, that is, rich in God. Seeking the kingdom means treasuring God and freeing yourself from the drag of earth......But let’s be more specific. If Jesus means "devote your life to accumulating treasure in heaven" – which I take to mean increasing your joy in God in heaven – what is the main thing he has in mind that we should do now? My judgment from the context would be that it is giving rather than accumulating. If laying up treasures in heaven is the opposite of laying up treasures on earth, then probably laying up treasures in heaven will be NOT laying up treasures on earth but giving them away in ways that magnify the worth of Jesus.

It started out with me and two friends sitting in a South City pub writing on a bar napkin a list of 52 things for my friend to do by year end, but grew into something much more. It was so intriguing to me that I decided maybe I should take a turn and write out a list of things to accomplish. So within the next few days I'm going to shape up my list and then massage it down to fit within the realm of possibilities for 2010. More to come...