A Drifter Among Us

I've been reading through a new book recently, Through Painted Deserts, that is about a man's road trip in a beat up VW van with a friend. I came to an interesting point in the story where the author writes a note to his future self as he is sitting at the bottom of the Grand Canyon. After being struck by the honesty of what he said, I tweeted a question that I would now like for you to carefully consider. If you could write a letter to your future self, what reminder would you give about who you are now?

"Dear James,

I don't know where you are at in your life when you're reading this but if I know you like I think I do, then you've weathered quite a few seasons in your journey. I'm hopeful you've remained true to who you really are through them all. In case you forgot, you weren't so bad of a dude but you had become critical of friends, circumstances, and  expectations. You had placed an importance on money, and stuff, and people's admiration. Wherever you are right now, just remember that that stuff doesn't really matter and that a critical spirit can wound you in ways you don't even realize. It's better to just let go. You felt free and alive when you went sky-diving. Sometimes it takes facing death to show you how alive you really are. Even when you feel slightly paralyzed with fear, facing it is the only option of conquering it. The rush of adrenaline made you realize there's still a lot of living left to do. I hope you still feel that way. Do you remember that before you jumped out of that airplane, you had a beautiful conversation with God? The 20 minute ascent was spent reflecting on what led you to that point: family, traveling, music, girls, friendships, passions, heartaches, regrets, and lessons learned. During the free fall, everything disappeared and your only reaction was to laugh at yourself for being crazy enough to jump. When you finally reached the ground nothing from the past mattered. Money didn't matter. Stuff didn't matter. What people thought of you didn't matter. You were speechless. You were captivated by the adventure. Whoever you are right now, and whoever you are with, find the adventure and keep talking with God. If you have found a woman or have a child or two, the only thing that matters is the love you have for them. Go into your living room and dance with your wife. Visit your kid in his room and give them a kiss on the head and sit down and spend time with them. There is all kinds of beauty in this world that doesn't have a damn thing to do with your social standing. I just want to remind you that if you're feeling paralyzed by the heights of your problems, the faster you face them the quicker they disappear. If you're not where you want to be in life, if the job sucks, or the car keeps breaking down, or the house isn't big enough...don't worry about it. Lose your worries...life is going to be ok. Enjoy it while you can. If something seems too big to handle, you always have a little brother to go through it with you. He's the best friend God built for you so be good to him. That's really all I have to say right now. You really do have a good heart; I know sometimes it may seem cold but fight through it. I wish you nothing but the best. "

Don't get me wrong, a comfortable life is really not that bad. But I needed a change. I had just gotten out of a relationship and I was feeling pretty drained. I felt like I had been slowly shutting myself down. I was exhausted, I was bitter, I was angry that my life felt ordinary. Feeling as if my time was running out, I realized quickly that the window for many unbelievable experiences is only open for a limited time.

As I'm sure some of you may have noticed, I've been writing a lot lately about a "list." It started out innocently enough by my friend and roommate Chris having an idea of listing out things he wanted to accomplish in the new year. It was New Years Day after all, and it was appropriate to come up with resolutions. As the ideas slowly developed, it became much more than resolutions. It became a list of narratives to live out.

There were 2 guidelines to follow: 1)It had to be within reason to accomplish and 2)it could not violate our morals/law. So with those guidelines we sat in a neighborhood bar in South City, brainstorming ideas for a bucket list to accomplish in a year. We grabbed a bar napkin and started writing. We asked the question "What would you like to do with your life before the end of the year?" to our waitress, our bartender, and after changing locations, to a table of 4 attractive, college age women.

(Now I know what you're thinking. You're thinking this sounds a lot like the show on MTV right now and my response is: "yeah, you're right." In our defense the show had not come out until a month after we started. And if Chris knew anything of the show beforehand I was completely oblivious to it.)

Anyways, when we drafted the initial list, the three of us said we would all do it. Aric quickly bailed, and I dragged my feet for a few weeks. Meanwhile, Chris started living with purpose after that night. I saw him sacrifice, be humbled, gain confidence, and find joy with it. In that I found my motivation to finally join him.

A few other things happened that really got me moving, I'll share those stories one day. But for now, here it is: my 2010 bucket list. 52 things I hope to accomplish by years end. There are a lot of items listed that are intended to challenge my comfort level or challenge me physically. There are also a few things that I've always wanted to do in addition to a few soft-balls to keep me rolling. I'll try to write about each one as they come along. I've completed 10 so far, so my list is far from complete.

If you find yourself thinking of drafting a list, consider this question: Who do you want to be this year?

All the best,
James

(P.S. Oh also, if any of these interest you and you'd like to do it with me, send me a message or comment below)

1.     Write a song and perform it at an open mic night

2.     Encourage at least one person a day for a week

3.     Mentor someone by year’s end

4.     Read a book a month (one month read a book with a friend and have a discussion on it)

5.     Blog at least once a week for 3 months

6.     Have a “yes” day

7.     Have a friend make all decisions for 24 hours

8.     Read the bible in a year

9.     Paint something

10.   Write a short story

11.   Fast for 24 hours

12.   Go to a winery

13.   1 month without vice*

14.   2 month alcohol fast

15.   Take a train trip spur of the moment

16.   Take my camera everywhere for 1 month

17.   Digital Cleanse

18.   Weekend Trip somewhere new

19.   Hike

20.   Kayak

21.   Mountain Bike on a trail

22.   Right a wrong

23.   See my grandpa’s grave

24.   Skydive with Matt

25.   Rock climb at upper limits

26.   Embarrass Aric in public

27.   Go to Soulard Market

28.   Captain a team for Mission St. Louis

29.   Camp alone at Huzzah (end of March, April)

30.   Go to Cardinals Opening Day

31.   Put this list on display

32.   Surprise Someone

33.   Journal every day

34.   Deer Hunt

35.   Invest in 401K

36.   Enroll in Grad School

37.   5 in 5 *

38.   Buy Keg Beer & host a party- see what happens/who comes over

39.   Fast Eddie’s

40.   Read a book in one day

41.   Smoke Pipe Tobacco

42.   Grow a plant

43.   Be 100% opinionated on everything for 1 day

44.   Shave my head

45.   Offer to do a favor for someone I really don’t want to do

46.   Make a decision based on Paper,Rock,Scizzors

47.   Run a 5K

48.   Theology at the bottleworks

49.   Cannot spend money for an entire week

50.   Meet Matt Holiday

51.   Friends choice

52.   52 Tattoo if list is completed