A Drifter Among Us

I had a conversation with a stranger tonight that got me thinking; this is a wild trip we're all on. What steers us and shapes us into whom we are is a complicated matter. The way events intersect or run parallel with one another can alter our course. Often, when we look back on things, it’s easy to identify turning points that changed us. But sometimes it’s problematic to see what has shaped our present condition because the story is still being played out. My story is radically different from yours, and yours different from the next person.

Anyways, tonight was a reminder that people can change for the better and that it’s not always the opposite. The guy I met up with tonight realized there was a problem in his life and the only way he was going to overcome it was to remove himself from the environment that led him there. That takes balls.

I've been thinking a lot lately about who I want to be and who I currently am. I’m sleeping less and less because of it. The reason why is because I know it will take some heavy lifting to change things about myself. I consider myself this: irony personified. That was a humbling revelation to write out.

One of my favorite quotes is from Brennan Manning’s Ragamuffin Gospel;

When I get honest, I admit I am a bundle of paradoxes. I believe and I doubt, I hope and get discouraged, I love and I hate, I feel bad about feeling good, I feel guilty about not feeling guilty. I am trusting and suspicious. I am honest and I still play games.

I guess my point to all of this is that I want to fix the indiscretion there seems to be between my ideals and my reality. I’ve created a gulf that can only be shored up by me. Part of the reason me and my roommate are doing the bucket list in a year is to make a conscious effort to get uncomfortable and see what we learn from new experiences.

As my roommate told me “You’re only on this earth once, might as well get weird with it.”