A Drifter Among Us

At what point in our development do we put away childish things and move on to adulthood? A most recent article in the New York Times suggest that America has fostered a culture where it's acceptable for 20 somethings to delay adulthood. Let me try to explain in short, while painting with a broad brush stroke.

 At issue is a generation that is stuck at home, sleeping in their childhood beds into their late 20's. If we've managed to get out, we're covering our expenses with mom and dad's plastic while jet-setting around the world. When we finally feel motivated, we jump from job to job to combat eventual disinterest in the mundane. We struggle with identity, confidence, commitment, and a long list of issues we will gladly bitch about before taking the time to correct. Relationships are treated as a library card, where swapping people in and out after using them for gain is completely acceptable. When we're finally ready to settle down and show our ambition, we are faced with the daunting task of playing catchup in the development that should have been taking place all along.

I can see it in my friends; I can see it in myself; and I don't like the visuals I'm processing.

I've had a few conversations with friends about this, and have gotten mixed feedback. Here are just a few thoughts I have about why this is happening.

Self-entitlement and Unrealistic Expectations
 We are not the generation of our grandparents and to a lesser extent our parents. We just aren't. Strong work ethic is something to be admired but not necessarily something to strive for. I see it in my work environment and in the lives of acquaintances. We expect the world to come knocking on our door and we wait anxiously to open up and have the opportunities come storming in. Let me give you an example.

 I have a good friend who graduated with honors in his respected major. After graduation he continued working at the same job he held throughout college. He didn't put out any resumes or work for internship opportunities or put himself in position for further schooling. One day I get an email that was sent to our core group of friends asking if we knew of an entry level  position that paid at least $60,000 a year,allowed him to travel, and covered almost all of his expenses. Wow! "Well, buddy...if I knew that job existed don't you think I probably would have been applying there myself?"

 I think part of this is self entitlement, but I also believe we were sold a bag of goods in school. We were told that we would never amount to anything unless we got our college education. Some of us took out loans that we will never be able to pay back, all the while chasing after an unrealistic expectation of what our paychecks would say. The current job market has all but abated this supposition. While the truth remains that most white collar jobs require (at least assumed) a college education, a college education in large part doesn't prepare you for the challenges of the corporate world. The biggest preparation for me was having gained experience from internships, previous jobs, and knowing how to interact and communicate effectively with people. These are things that our universities just don't cover.

We've lost ambition

Wonder why there's a disconnect between the way we picture ourselves and the way we are perceived? Maybe you have a hard time feeling excited or ambitious about what is going on in your life - career, school, relationships, etc. At some point we have felt enriched by fulfilling potential and achieving the goals we believed to be important in life. When those goals are reached and the targets you had set your eyes on are now things of the past, we often fail to replace them with equally meaningful goals. Unless we are feeling stimulated in our progressive pursuit of goals life seems to stall somewhat.

Ambition requires fresh ideas, new ways of thinking through problems, and overcoming challenges and obstacles that threaten to entangle us. More importantly it requires us to constantly evaluate ourselves and set the bar to higher levels. When I think of my own lack of ambition, I see a deep-rooted problem of finding too much satisfaction in being entertained rather than challenged. The distraction of what we find comfort in takes our eyes off of what we dream for.

There's also this: Cynicism is a killer of ambition, and we have a large infestation. I wonder sometimes if I have anything worthwhile to say. Cynicism asks "Why would anyone be interested in what I have to say?"  "Do people value my input?" "Am I important?" This sort of thinking spawns from letting fear and other's intentions enter our creative process.

We need to find our appetite to move forward to greater levels again, and reawaken the ambition that is inside us all. Society wants us to succeed, but without failure, but keep in mind that failure is just just a start of a lesson not an end.

What are your thoughts? I'd love to keep the conversation going. What else do you see?

(I plan on writing a blog on lessons we've learned while delaying adulthood and how it may not be all bad. Just an F.Y.I. for those of you overwhelmed by the negativity of this post.)